So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
