so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
