Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
