Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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