so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
