I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
