I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
