Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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