Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
