Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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