Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
