Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
