So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
