He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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