I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
