those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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