I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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