But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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