Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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