Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So squirting runs in the family.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The air was thick with penises
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
