YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
