I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
