fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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