What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
