You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
