I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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