im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
