What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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