apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
