Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
last night I used snow as a chaser
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
