i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
