I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
