If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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