Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
