He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
