Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
