Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
