if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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