I cockslap morals
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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