She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
