I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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