I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
