Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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