I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
