Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
