he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
