1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
