wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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