I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
