i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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